I wish I knew the words to explain the thoughts that are clouding my mind. My life has moved on and I'm happy with it. Yet something has triggered the pain of thinking about everything thing I haven't allowed myself to contemplate. I'm okay with moving on. I'm okay with finding someone knew. I'm okay that I've gone out with several different people in these last few weeks, its exhilarating... I have all the time I need and I'm going to take it, but there is something about the comfort of a relationship that I miss. I've matured enough to know that I don't miss him, I miss the idea of what we had... of what I thought that we had... but life goes on and I know what wasn't real and what was... I didn't know he lied to me... I didn't know that it had been happening the whole time but I'm okay. God has a reason for everything and I know why and I'm happy. I'm thankful. I'm even more thankful that in two days I'm heading back to my hometown and all of the pain and the memories can disappear for four months giving me enough time to get over the sting and be one hundred percent.