Sometimes something takes over your life. Your not sure how to escape from it, and your not sure that you want to escape from it. You try to avoid it because you want to be different, you don't want to conform, and you sure as hell don't want to know that in reality your just like the others... But just when you think you've finally grown up, that your past whatever it was that had you stuck in it's grip, it hits you. I've spent the last ten months trying to hide the fact that I bet everything on one person. I claimed I didn't believe it love anymore. I doubted that I had ever felt anything real in the first place. I said I never wanted to get married and that I couldn't stand children... Yet in reality I want children. I believe that there is someone your suppose to spend the rest of your life with I believe that everyone finds there one exception to the rule someday... I've lost myself for ten months. I forgot what I believed in. I forgot what I loved, because I was trying so hard to break free of who I was when I was with you. I thought you were holding me back, and you were! But in my struggle to not be held back by anything, I wasn't... My morals, my hopes, my dreams were put aside to chase something else. I thought I was chasing my freedom but instead I found it right where it always was. By trying to sever any emotional attachment to anyone I've bottled all my emotions but today I'm going to shatter the bottle that's held all those emotions. Maybe they'll explode into the world a menagerie of colors sounds lights and hope. But whatever happens I remember what its like to feel again... and if that's all I learned from this... then thats okay by me.
thank you very much.
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