So I've come to the realization of what went wrong in so many relationships. Out of all the guys I've dated I've only been in love with the first... after that nothing was ever as out of control crazy in love do anything for you as that..... everyone else has been a silent love affair filling the space until something better can do that.... but I'm at the impasse.... a in between floating feeling where I don't want and yet could have..... people approach me and throw out a line smile real big and hope it works but i just can't seem to fall into it .... love should be like the ocean. It should roll in and out calm days and rough salty storms but constant... you should see the bottom of love the way you can't see the floor of the ocean or know exactly whats in the water around you . it should be full of surprises. I have a list in my head of what I want.... I know lists are bad but i consider it guidelines to help me see the picture clearly instead of grabbing the inconsistent.


1. hardworking.


2. approachable


3. honest


4. strong silent type.... capable of taking control and being confident.


5. NO loud mouth obnoxious ready to fight someone just to fight


6. loyal


7. ( this is the most important) God fearing God loving church going and serving.


8. close to his family


9. decent height... 5'10 or taller.


10. loves dogs. and the beach.


11. can handle that I'm going to be a massage therapist and that right now I work in a bar. ( not jealous b/c I wasn't that way until a past b/f was)

12. moderately protective.

I think that is it for right now. Yes I know guys think lists are stupid but they should have on too because they always complain about their girlfriend doesn't let them do this or doesn't like going here or blah blah blah. If they knew more about her to begin with they wouldn't have that problem. I don't want to rush anything... things take time and love takes time to blossom and grow. I want a romance like my grandparents... honest love simple love.