Driving home from work today , stopped at a stoplight, I looked up at the sky and reminded myself how blessed I am... thinking about the message the day before I sent a prayer up to God. These last few months I feel like I can count the hours in the day by the prayers I send up. And then i realize that there is so much truth behind the unanswered prayers and I am even more thankful for those not being answered then the ones that have been answered. Where would I be today if God answered every prayer I ever prayed? Married to my fourth grade boyfriend! Comical as that thought is other thoughts pass through, like when I thought my high school sweetheart was the one, or that I wanted to be a history teacher.... all of those paths could have turned out alright I suppose, but would I really be doing God's work... Then I went through a bad break up, and thinking about those prayers I am so glad God didn't answer them. As for today.... I've changed how I pray, instead I'm asking God that his will be done and that I can love his people... I opened my heart and mind to his guidance and now preparing for my first test in massage therapy I feel that I am right where I belong. Again riding home from school late at night I prayed on the way home aloud and prayed for the spirit to fall on me and allow me to become an instrument of God's. And for few moments I had that feeling, the one I've always believe is the spirit and I knew loving and helping God's people is where I need to be. I imagine that feeling, the delight and freedom and just feeling God's unending loving wrapping around me is how heaven always feels.... It makes me less afraid to go home, and more moved to pray for the souls of those I love so they can feel that wonderful feeling. As for love.... I cherish my life and I hope that I can bring the joy and love and openness I've found again these last six months into a relationship. I'm not sure what is going to happen... and I'm not sure what falling in love is like.... I know that it isn't a step in a relationship, I know its more than that and sometimes you don't fall.... I know that time is precious and not to be taken lightly because I don't want to move to fast and end up stuck like I was before.... I'll move slowly, pray hard, and trust in God because he formed his plan for me in my mother's womb.