I had a dream last night that I was at my ex's house because I got stranded... and the whole time i thought about how they hated me..... it was a horrible dream and all i can think about is things i've said in anger and now I just want to shake the feeling and forget 13 months out of my life....... moving on................................

My sister and brother in law are moving home to greenville in a week and a half and will be living within five miles of my home.... I can't believe both my daddy's girls are moving home the same summer for good. Now that I am starting massage school in august and living here I know that God has had a hand in everything these last few months.... I can't believe how lucky I have been. I havn't been this happen in such a long time that I can hardly contain myself. I need nor want for anything. I have a wonderful family, best friends and a life full of possibilities.... God is so good and I am so thankful for his blessings.

Sitting on the porch yesterday with my bestfriend gossiping about life men hopes and dreams I realized somethings about myself. I have a goal and dreams and they are going to come true. Letting things go is the easiest thing to do once you decide life is happy when you do.

I also realized that even though I have no desire to date anyone I still can care about him. Driving home I tried to sort out what I've been describing to him as complicated for the last few months... Yes he is my closest guyfriend and yes we will never be more then good friends. But I am protective over him and I enjoy him. But I also realized I feel what I do because he didn't push me to and I didn't expect to. He gives me my space and respects my dreams. When we disagree it is nothing more then a disagreement. I tell him time and time again that "were like fire and gasoline your I'm no good for you and your no good for me" but i still care about him and thats perfectly okay. :) :) :)

My Apology

Everyday I find out something new about myself... Everyday I figure out something more about life and people and learning not to be selfish, learning that words can cut deep to the soul. Yesterday as I got ready to go out I prayed asking God to take what is out of my control completely out of my control and to roll with it... I asked for his peace. And I prayed for you. I'm impulsive and stubborn and I have a temper, and in my temper i said hurtful things. I prayed that He bless you and give you happiness in your relationships and life. So this is my final goodbye... you are erased from my life... its behind me.... I'm disconnected from you permantely. Life is short. I start massage school in August, I'm half way through my bachlors, and my life is good.... moving on is good.

I set my life up in time frames of what I am going to do at a certain time... one day I am going to give myself a day NOT to have a schedule for everything....

now that I am home life is so much easier. I don't feel so empty anymore... instead I feel relieved.

I broke off all ties with "A" .... and for now I'm not talking to "T".

I promised myself I would stay single until my 21st birthday..... ten more months.

I'm not sure what the future holds for me right now. But I am sure that I like not knowing.

Lately I've been closing my eyes and seeing the beach... its beautiful and the cold liquore drink in my hand makes it even better... I breath in and can smell the salt from the ocean.