So today is my 19th birthday and what a birthday its been. Spent the morning in the doctor after having a fever all week only to find out that I have a Kidney infection and have to return the following morning for blood work. Happy Birthday to me. But it could be worse. I am thankful to be alive another year. I have a wonderful family who loves and supports me, amazing friends who all wished me a Happy Birthday too many to count, and a sweet gentle, loving boyfriend who would give me the world if he could. So kidney infection or not it still is a good birthday.

Sometimes my heart speaks to me. Not about love, my heart has already found that and settled. My heart speaks to me about something else. Something I can fight for, something that is coming to test my will, my faith, and my strength. With God's hand on my shoulder I am a fierce warrior. Maybe my fight is internal... finding the path the Lord laid out for me. Maybe it is to be the rock for my family, or maybe it is to fight for a beautiful love that God has graced me with so recently. No matter what He dictates, I am strong in him therefore I will triumphed.

Its funny how you can plan your whole life out and expect it to go how you planned. I wasn't looking for anything in particular... in fact I was convinced I was going to be alone for along time and I was happy with that, the freedom... But out of the blue Josh walked into my life. I've always over analyzed everything in life.. and always let my head to all the work. In him I've found my heart. I've let it take over and I've found something very special. My brother gave me some very good advice when he told me to focus on the person and not on the relationship. I let go of the relationship and just focused on the person and I've found someone who makes my world a brighter place. When I let go, it all falls into place.

Its a summer day in my mind. I can feel the summer heat caressing my face. I can almost see the water now, shining golden blue in the sunlight. Its shorts and tank tops, fresh cut grass and balmy nights in my mind tonight. Its dancing under the moon and singing to the stars, dreaming of forever and falling asleep to the dream of tomorrow.

In reality maybe be cold on the cusp of spring... I'm miles away from where my heart is...

But when I close my mind I'm right there sitting next to you...