It evades you for half of you're life. You chase it down. Its hidden in the sound of the rain on the window. Its the smell in the air. Its a sunset and its the early mornings.



Its fear and struggle. Its endurance and strength... You'll close you're eyes, whether its a silent prayer or the scream inside a curse .. whether it draining or invigorating...



There is a point alone in the dark, phone tucked beneath your ear listening to the voice that has you... then in that point you know... this is the one. This is the sound track to my life. The sound of a hello on the other end of the line, full of love. For once realizing that no matter what you do that love won't leave. He will be there forever.



It evades you for half of your life... then it walks in arms open and you know from this moment on you will never be alone...

In that second tears slip down you're face. Everything that was once ugly in life is now beautiful. You are the most beautiful you will ever be, in love. You know that this one person holds the key to everything and the risk behind it, the chance of falling.... is nothing. If you live one hundred more sunsets or one, you've lived fullest. You embrace what is and understand what will be and you smile... from this point on you've changed. You now know true unending love...







( I love you Joshua. This poem is for you. Thank you for making me believe in the invisible...)

Why do we always chose to do things that we know will make us hurt. Life is about the good things, forgetting the past, making the best out of the present and looking forward to the future.... Forget those who have hurt you in the past... what can you do about it? You're only in control of your own destiny... smile because control is an illusion but looking on the bright side of tings will make it work in the end.

I listen to the song Capri about a woman carrying her baby and I wonder... what was it like for a my birthmother to carry me. What went through her mind when she knew, when those fourty weeks flew by she'd be giving away the baby she carried, the one who told her from the inside out she loved her. Now I crave to carry a baby of my own. But to keep her, to hold her, to remind her everyday that I will be here, I will make the right choices, and I wont make the mistakes my parents made